


Why does it all have to be so complicated?

by ClementineSunshine



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst with a Happy Ending, Author projecting onto Saihara Shuichi, Best Friends, Confessions, F/F, Injury, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Chabashira Tenko/Yumeno Himiko, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Saihara Shuichi/Momota Kaito, Other, Pining, Saihara Shuichi Is a Mess, Saihara Shuichi Needs a Hug, Supportive Akamatsu Kaede, Unrequited Crush, kaito is oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:47:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29001699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClementineSunshine/pseuds/ClementineSunshine
Summary: Why did it all have to be so complicated? He could barely look Kaito in the eye now and every time he did he remembered the glimpses he’d had of the life he couldn’t have. The dreams kept coming back to haunt him. His conscious brain knew that he didn’t really want that but his heart didn’t seem to agree.Shuichi has a crush on his best friend and he can't keep it hidden forever, it will eventually get revealed whether he wants it to or not.
Relationships: Momota Kaito/Saihara Shuichi
Kudos: 36





	Why does it all have to be so complicated?

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally just me projecting onto Shuichi. Idk if this is a warning I need but there's a lot of onomatopoeia in this and also some mild injury.

Beep Beep. Beep Beep. Shuichi grumbled and patted his bedside table, fumbling for his phone. He slapped the snooze button with as much vigour as he could muster and rolled back over, cocooning himself in blankets. He wriggled a bit, trying to get comfortable, maybe he could go back to sleep…. Nope, not working. He rolled onto his back and stared blankly at the ceiling.

Why did it all have to be so complicated? He could barely look Kaito in the eye now and every time he did he remembered the glimpses he’d had of the life he couldn’t have. The dreams kept coming back to haunt him. His conscious brain knew that he didn’t really want that but his heart didn’t seem to agree.

At first, he’d tried to ignore it, that hadn’t worked. Now he was trying the good old avoiding his problems approach. Avoiding Kaito whenever he could, and when he couldn’t he pulled away. Shirking his casual touches and speedrunning through conversations.

This also currently also wasn’t working. All it was doing was making Kaito suspicious and his feelings stronger, like an infected wound festering. He guessed it was true what they say: absence does make the heart grow fonder. Shuichi couldn’t even talk to any of his friends about it. All of his close friends were also Kaito’s close friends, it was all incredibly awkward.

“This shouldn’t even be a problem!” he threw his arms up in frustration, his shoulders popping in protest, before letting them thump back down beside his head. It hadn’t been originally, he hadn’t even noticed he was….obsessed?....in love? Whatever you call it, with his best friend until she came along. It wasn’t that he placed the blame on Maki, she didn’t deserve that.

Shuichi didn’t hate Maki, he tried but she was just someone you couldn’t hate. She effortlessly slid into their group and later into something else. The moment he realised was when he saw Kaito kiss her, it was like the world stopped. It was a moment that recurred in his dreams, except this time he replaced Maki. He was the one that Kaito had his arm slung around. He was the one who had Kaito’s hand cupping his face. He was the one Kaito loved.

Beep Beep. Beep Beep. He swiped away his alarm and sat up. He scrubbed at his eyes hoping to erase the image, he could see colours swirl beneath his lids. His head swam a bit as he stood up, he really needed to get more sleep. It had been a struggle recently. He had been taking on more cases on top of his classwork to try and avoid Kaito. If his brain was full of work there would be no room for Kaito, but he wormed his way through. The fact that a majority of his work was infidelity cases didn’t help, everyday he lost a little more faith in humanity. It didn’t hurt that he was working up some sizable savings. However what did hurt was the sizable dent it made in his free time, Shuchi didn’t think he’d left the house for social reasons in at least a month.

That’s why when Himiko asked if he wanted to hang out he jumped at the opportunity, sure he was going to one of her magic shows but he knew Kaito wouldn’t be there. It couldn’t be that bad he shrugged.

He glanced back at his phone, it read 11:35. Ugh so much earlier than he would normally be up, but he was up. He was supposed to meet Himiko at around quarter past 12, meaning he had time to shower. He gathered up his towel and traipsed across the hall to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He cranked the shower up to maximum heat, time to boil himself. Shuichi remembered reading once that lonely people tended to have hotter showers, it probably wasn’t even true. He stepped under the shower’s spray feeling his muscles instantly relax, he almost moaned but he knew for a fact that his roommates would be able to hear him. Curse those shitty thin walls, there were some times he wished he were deaf.

He was about to duck his head under the shower but paused for a second and counted to 10. Okay seemed like the coast was clear. He began to wash his hair, leaning back to avoid getting suds in his eyes. Just as he set about washing the shampoo out, fingers massaging his scalp, the water went cold, dead cold. He let out a scream, the shock causing him to slip. Why the fuck didn’t they have a non-slip shower mat?! As he went down he tried to throw out his arms in an attempt to steady himself but all he managed to do was knock down the shower caddy causing a clattering to follow the thump of his ass hitting the bathtub.

“Sorry” He heard Makoto call from the other room. Every. Fucking. Time. Someone always turned the tap on when he was showering. He sat there under the freezing cold water, surrounded by shower gel and shampoo bottles, nursing a nasty bruise on his shin, and realised today was not going to be his day.

******

A half-hour and a lot of bitching later Shuichi was out the door. He was late. Turns out if you smack your shin hard enough against the edge of a bath you will break the skin and that's exactly what he did. Makoto apologised profusely and Shuichi couldn’t find in his heart to be mad at him, he was only trying to do the washing up after all. He’d been planning on picking out a nice outfit but after some first aid, he'd barely had time to do his eyeliner, no way he’d go out without it. He was just dressed in a black turtleneck and skinny jeans, a classic look. At the last minute, he also decided to grab a hoodie, just in case.

Himiko only lived in the next apartment block over, but he was meeting her at the magic show so he had to jog a bit. He arrived at the venue with only a minute to spare, slightly out of breath. He paused for a minute, leaning against the wall trying to regain a bit of composure before going in. He honestly didn’t know Himiko that well so he wanted to make a good impression.

He walked around to the side door and knocked, he heard muttering behind the door before it was yanked open by Tenko, her hair was down for once and pushed back by a pink headband. It was so long, cascading past her shoulders, he trailed his eyes downwards. How long was it? His musings were interrupted.

“Ahem” Tenko cleared her throat. Shuichi went red, he realised how that must’ve looked.

“Oh hey Tenko,” he said sheepishly “Himiko invited me”

She scoffed but stepped aside, “typical degenerate male” she muttered under her breath. He felt really guilty now, he’d already managed to offend her girlfriend.

She led him through to the auditorium where Himiko was performing. It was really nice actually, a classy venue or it would’ve been had it not been full of kids. Ugh, he’d forgotten it was a Sunday.

She directed him towards a seat and strode off backstage presumably to go assist Himiko. Shuichi wondered if she would be her ‘glamorous assistant’. As he sat there he realised how little he wanted to be there, you know when you think ‘oh it won't be that bad’ and then you get there and it is? He hated magic shows and now he had front row seats to one. He already knew how all the tricks worked so it wasn’t that interesting, like playing a quiz where you knew all of the answers. Although that one could be fun if you were playing against friends, seeing them get all infuriated when you inevitably answer every question correctly.

On the stage sat a large tank with curtains positioned in front, there was a timer and a tank of (were those piranhas?!) suspended above it. He guessed that must be the final trick, it looked pretty complicated and impressive. She’d probably start off with some small tricks and work her way up to it. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, it’d still be cool to see her pull off the tricks he guessed. Just as he thought that the lights dimmed and footsteps could be heard.

Suddenly a spotlight shone on the stage and Himiko stood there, she was dressed in a red skirt and a cuffed button-up shirt with a waistcoat and bow tie, it was all topped off by a witch's hat. It was definitely a unique look, he’d give her that.

Shuichi kinda zoned out for her introduction and by the time he zoned back in she was already on her first trick, it was a classic, the rabbit in the hat. “That’s such an easy one” He mumbled to himself, just thinking out loud really.

“Wait what do you mean?” A little voice said next to him.

He looked over to see a little kid staring up at him inquisitively. He leaned down towards the kid and pointed at the table the hat was placed on. “You see how it stays on the table?”

The kid nodded in agreement “That’s because there’s a secret compartment in the table where the rabbit is kept, the hat doesn’t have a top”

“Wow, really?” the kid looked amazed, was it really that interesting?

Shuichi nodded gravely in response. Every time Himiko started the next trick the kid tugged on his sleeve and asked him to explain how it worked, he was honestly having a really good time. Himiko, however, was not. Every time he gestured to the stage or spoke a little too loudly she pursed her lips and glared pointedly at him, she was getting more and more frustrated with every trick.

Shuichi honestly hadn’t noticed, too engrossed in pointing out the little tricks. Eventually, Tenko was brought on stage to act as her assistant. She did not take well to Shuichi’s debunking, once she noticed it. She noticed it because as Himiko was performing the sawing in half trick she lost it.

Apparently, as he would be told later, he was ‘ruining the immersion’. She yelled out “It’s magic!” When the kid asked him how this one worked. Shuichi flushed red and the kid shrunk right down in his seat. Anyone would after being publicly called out, and that wasn’t even the worst part. Tenko decided to take matters into her own hands. She climbed off the stage and physically escorted him off of the property, she looked ready to commit a felony, eyes seething with rage.

Shuichi felt really guilty. She let go of the iron grip she had on his arm and walked back inside, not a word was uttered between the two of them. He sat down on the curb, leaning back on his hands, and stared up at the sky, feeling sorry for himself. There were dark clouds gathering.

Any joy he had felt from debunking those tricks had dissipated pretty quickly, there was nothing to distract him from his thoughts anymore. “I should text Himiko and Tenko to apologise”. Maybe he should wait a bit, let it settle.

He sat on the curb and wallowed a bit, he really couldn’t do anything right, relationship-wise at least. He could barely manage friendships at this point. All he was good with were facts. Cases were easy. Emotions? Not so much.

Aaaaand his brain already looped back to Kaito. Splat. A drop of rain landed on his cheek and trickled down. Then another and another until it was fully pouring. He was sitting there on the curb. In the rain. Without a coat. This really was depressing.

Normally he would call Kaito to come pick him up. But it would be too much. Too much to sit in his shitty purple Volvo on the cracked white leather seats. He’d probably put the heated seats on for him, and give him the blanket that was thrown in his back seat. He’d have to crack a window after they inevitably fogged up. It would smell like him and his stupid pine car air freshener. He wanted that so much. He really didn’t want to ruin everything with his stupid feelings.

He would just have to wait it out, hopefully, they would fade and his heart would no longer flutter at the mere thought of him. Painfully pulsing at his ribcage, like a plant desperately trying to sprout. Wrapping its way around his organs. It would shrivel and die.

He shook his head, flicking water from his hair, and pulled his hoodie up over his head before standing up and stalking off. Maybe a stroll would clear his mind, he could do some sightseeing.

*****

20 minutes later of wandering aimlessly and he was soaked through. He must've looked pitiful, like a drowned kitten. He gave up and threw his hood down, it was fully saturated with water anyway. He let the rain cascade down his face, at least it would hide the fact he had been crying. His eyeliner was smudged beyond repair and his hair plastered to his forehead. He looked like a girl from a rom-com who had just been broken up with. He sure felt that way too. Rain was supposed to be cleansing but right now it felt like everything was clinging to him, the rain only making everything worse.

“Hey, Shuichi, is that you?”  
He knew that voice. He whipped his head around sending his sopping wet hair slapping across his face. He ran a hand through his hair, slicking it back, and came face to face with the one person he was trying to avoid.

“Oh hey Kaito”. He knew he sounded unenthusiastic and his smile was weak but his emotions simmered just below his skin and it took all he had to stop his voice from trembling. He stood so closely, trying to shelter Shuichi under his umbrella. He could feel his body heat, see his breath steaming. He had to look up to meet his eyes. His face burned.

“What are you doing here?” Shuichi asked.

“Uhh, I live here remember? Are you doing okay?” Kaito questioned, his brows scrunching up, eyes filled with concern.

Shuichi glanced over his shoulder, he was literally standing next to Kaito’s apartment building, the red brick darkened by the excessive downpour. He really hadn’t paid attention to where he was going, he was so close to facepalming. Shuichi needed to get out of here, he couldn’t do this, not today.

“Yeah I’m just out for a stroll, you know how much I love rain” He let out a weak chuckle, he wasn’t even convincing himself, he was just so tired. Kaito definitely didn’t look convinced.

“Why don’t you come in for lunch. Maki’s cooking, don’t worry” He smiled wide as he reassured him, Shuichi felt his legs wobble a bit. Kaito slung his arm around his shoulders. It felt like the weight of the world had been thrust upon him. He was surprised his knees didn’t buckle.

“Ah no I’m alright, I ate earlier, I should really be heading home” He shrugged his shoulders to try and subtly get Kaito to remove his arm. It didn’t work. Just this once could he not be so stubborn?

He removed his arm, with an apologetic smile and began to walk away, slow and controlled. He was trying to hide how much he wanted to bolt. He abruptly jolted to a stop, almost slipping on the wet pavement.  
“Look I can tell something’s bothering you so would you just come out with it already!” Kaito had his hand clasped around his wrist, the touch burned. He always did get straight to the point.

“Right now you are bothering me!” Shuichi bit back, his tone brittle and bitter. He ripped himself out of Kaito’s grasp. He was starting to make a scene now, thankfully there was no one around to witness it.

Kaito seemed to lose the fight in his eyes. Shuichi shrank, he really hadn’t meant to do that, his day was getting worse and worse, spiralling more downhill than he thought it could.

“What?” Kaito trembled out, rain was streaming down his face, his gravity-defying hair growing flatter by the minute. He looked as small as Shuichi felt. His umbrella had been tossed to the wayside in the struggle, it rolled, the noise echoing inside Shuichi’s mind until it settled about a foot away. Neither of them reached to reclaim it.

“I...I…..I didn’t mean it like that” Why had he said that? He was annoyed at himself, not Kaito! He clenched his fists, digging his nails into his palms. He could do this, he just had to rip the plaster off, amputate the infected limb.

“I like you Kaito” He chanced a glance up from where he was staring at his shoes. Kaito’s expression was unreadable.  
“Well I’m glad to hear it, we are friends aren’t we?” Shuichi’s stomach sank, this is not how he thought it would go when he finally confessed.  
.  
“No, not like that Kaito” He paused and inhaled deeply, steeling himself he made direct eye contact. “It’s more than that. And, and I know you only see me as a friend, just your sidekick” His voice cracked, he choked on that last word. Realisation dawned on Kaito’s face. Tears were steadily trickling from his eyes now, he could barely see but he forged onwards. Maybe it was better that he couldn’t see the disgust in his eyes.

“I want more, I know it’s selfish, I know you’re dating Maki and I know you don’t even like guys. But…But” But what? What else could he say to justify this? “I know you have nothing else to give and I’m okay with that or at least I want to be okay with that. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Oh, Shuichi” It sounded like pity. Shuichi hunched himself inwards trying to make himself as small as possible, every sob shook his body, fat tears rolled down his cheeks and dripped off his chin, lost in the rain. His pain was meaningless and insignificant.

He felt something warm and heavy land on his shoulder and flinched his head upwards. Kaito was gazing down at him. “Shuichi, just listen to me for a second. I uh, well I’m not really sure what to say” he paused, thinking for a moment. “I trust you and I’m glad you told me.” He idly scratched the back of his head ''I mean I don’t really get it but…. You won’t lose me. I promise” He held out his other hand.

Shuichi’s lip trembled and he darted his eyes from Kaito’s hand to his face. If Kaito made a promise, he wouldn’t break it.

“I believe you” He grasped Kaito’s hand. He let out a yelp as his arm was yanked forward and Kaito pulled him into a hug, he landed against his chest letting out a soft oomph.

He heard Kaito chuckle a bit, he could feel it reverberating through his chest. It was nice. He felt warm and safe and home. It felt like Kaito was channelling everything he couldn’t put into words. Shuichi no longer felt like he was burning up. Kaito’s proximity wasn’t like tantalus reaching for his fruit, it was right, they were just two bros hugging it out. When Kaito let go Shuichi stumbled a bit, the rain seemed to have eased off, the sun reflecting off of the wet tarmac.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Kaito asked, stepping away from Shuichi. He nodded.

“ I...I just need some time to get over this, get over you” he paused “I will be, I promise”

“I believe in you, and I always will Shuichi, don’t forget that.”  
“Have a safe journey home!” He called after him as Shuichi began to head off.

*****

Kaito only lived about 5 minutes away from him but by the time he made it home he was completely wiped. Shuichi stifled a yawn with his hands as he stumbled into the foyer and over to the elevator. He stabbed at the call button and waited.

He just felt so tired now, not that he wasn’t before. All the emotions that had been pulsing under his skin were still there, but more manageable. It was like the rain had washed them away, they had flown out of his mouth and dripped out of his eyes and now he just felt numb. He knew after a good night's sleep he would feel better.

Ping. The elevator doors slid open and Shuichi stepped in, leaning heavily on the handrail, thankfully the elevator was empty. He was debating sitting down when the doors slid open. Huh? Oh, it was his floor. He walked into the apartment, after what felt like an hour of fumbling with his keys, his fingers felt like blocks of ice. Now that he had stopped feeling sorry for himself and the adrenaline rush was fading he realised just how cold he was.

He hesitated for a moment, he could hear laughing and squabbling over the Mario Kart music. He poked his head around the corner and saw Hajime sitting on the sofa with three friends, two of them were holding controllers. One was a girl with dusty pink hair that flicked up at the ends. She was scarily calm, almost bored, and clearly winning. The other was a guy with bright pink hair. He was frantically staring at the screen, jabbing at his controller while Hajime and a guy with a blonde buzzcut bullied him. It was a pretty silly sight.

Shuichi let out a little chuckle before sneaking past them into his room, thankfully they were pretty distracted. He kicked off his boots and dumped his hoodie in a heap on the floor, it landed with a wet shlop. His jumper soon joined it. Now for the jeans, it is borderline impossible to take off wet skinny jeans but Shuichi put up a good fight. He was honestly out of breath by the time he tugged on a pair of joggers and an old t-shirt.

It was probably a good idea to towel his hair a bit before his nap, he should probably grab a snack too. However, both of those would require him leaving his room and probably having to make terrible small talk with Hajime and his friends, which he was really not in the mood for. Instead, he got back into bed, something he’d been wanting to do all day. He’d just sleep for an hour or so and then go get some lunch, at least that’s what he told himself. He dozed off to the sound of Mario Kart and squabbling, not the most relaxing but he was just that tired.

*****

Knock knock. He shot up out of bed, what time was it? There was still light coming through his curtains so he can’t have slept long. He glanced over at his phone and it read 16:07. Okay so he’d only slept like an hour and a half, that was a reasonable nap.

Oh no. He looked at his phone screen closer, he hadn’t slept for an hour and a half he’d somehow slept through an entire day! Naps really never do go the way you plan them.

The knocking came again. “Just a second!” he yelled, god his throat felt like it was stuffed with sandpaper, he needed a drink. Who would even be at his bedroom door, he was pretty sure Hajime and Makoto were both at work. He shuffled over to the door and cracked it open, he barely had time to react before the door was wrenched from his grasp and he was blanketed in a hug. “Kaede? What’re you doing here” This was weird, as much as he appreciated her being there it was a little weird. He seemed to be getting a lot of surprise hugs recently.

“Kaito called me” Oh. “He told me what happened, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you Shuichi” Her voice was slightly muffled from where she’d shoved her head into his shoulder.

He felt like crying all over again, just thinking about it made it all come rushing back. Tears pricked at his eyes, he tried to push them back through sheer force of will. But there's only so much one man can hold back and soon he was sobbing into the taller girl’s shoulder, this time he didn’t try to stop himself and Kaede didn’t stop him either.

“I mean I didn’t exactly let you” he managed to choke out between sobs.

She shushed him and rubbed circles into his back and didn’t complain that he was getting snot on her cardigan. She led him over to the sofa, still rubbing circles into his back and gently humming.

He just talked. It was different from telling Kaito, less pressure, he hadn’t exactly planned it that time. It was less like a firehose and more like a steadily flowing river, as he spilled everything. This was exactly what he needed, he wished he had reached out to her earlier. She really was such an amazing friend, Kaito was too, not that it made it any easier.

Eventually, the words ran dry as did his tears, his breathing calmed no longer coming in gasps between sobs and speech, He wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He honestly felt ready to go back to bed.“Thank you Kaede” He meant it, he really did and he tried to impart how serious he was. Kaede just brushed it off with a smile.

“Hey, it’s fine, what else are friends for?” She beamed widely, her smile was contagious and soon Shuichi was smiling too, a real one.

It was like a crushing weight had been lifted off of his chest, all the jealousy, guilt, shame, and greed wasn’t erased but shared. He had been holding the sky and Kaede offered to share the burden. His feelings for Kaito still lingered, but he was sure they would fade. He knew he had friends to rely on, he felt stupid for not realising it earlier.

“C’mon I’ll order us some pizza, same as usual right? Ooh I’ll get some ice cream too” She was almost bouncing in her seat, he couldn’t help but giggle

“Yeah same as usual” he croaked, as he sipped on a glass of water that she had brought him at some point. Crying sure did make your voice hoarse.

“Okay I’ll call them, why don’t you pick out something to watch, I know you have something in mind so don’t just put on something you think I want to watch, today is about you” She pointed at him accusingly as she strode off to make the call. She was walking backwards so she could continue pointing and as such bumped into the wall, he stifled a giggle.

Pizza and shitty anime with a good friend sounded like the perfect evening to him. Maybe everything would work out. He sure hoped so.

**Author's Note:**

> I seriously struggled with the dialogue in this, Specifically Kaito. I had a version of the confrontation scene that was more angsty but I think this version fits best. The ending was also a struggle, I cannot do happy endings, I like to imagine they're watching Sword art Online. I really appreciate comments, so if you enjoyed (or didn't) let me know :)))


End file.
